What does grief look like?
[From Grief Speak: A Hospice of the Valley Teen Grief Program]

• Anger: You may lash out in anger because you feel you have lost control of your life. And it is normal to feel angry with the person who has died.
• Withdrawal: You may pull away from friends, drop out of clubs and sports, or cancel plans. Sometimes it's just easier to be alone.
• Inability to relate with peers: Relating to friends can become difficult because their problems may seem very small and fixable compared to your loss.
• Impatience: You may become impatient or irritated with others -- especially if someone complains about something trivial and fixable.
• Overachievement: You may try to be your very best to make it easier for other family members to cope. This can put even more pressure on you.
• Lack of focus: You may find it difficult to pay attention because your mind can't shut off what has happened. So you become unfocused and unorganized.
• Drop in school grades: Because you are having a hard time focusing, your grades may drop. If they don't go back up within a reasonable amount of time, ask a teacher or friend for help.
• Lack of interest or motivation: You may adopt a "why bother" attitude.
• Worry: You may not be able to stop worrying about your loved ones because of the fear that you might lose them, as well.
• Guilt: You may feel guilt because of something you have said/not said, thought, felt, or wished about the person who died. You may even think that you could have prevented the death. You may also feel guilty for wanting to feel normal again.
• Overwhelming sadness: This can feel like an incredible weight that prevents you from wanting to do anything.
• Loneliness: You can feel very isolated and different from your peers.
• No outward response: At school, you may act like nothing has happened so you won't call attention to yourself. At home, you may try to act like nothing is bothering you so your family won't be sad or worry about you.
• Drug or alcohol use: You may experiment with either or both as part of that "why bother" attitude or to mask or stop the pain you feel. Use of drugs or alcohol makes grief more difficult.
• Unusual happenings: You may experience seeing or hearing the loved one that has died or have vivid dreams about them. Some teens find this comforting since it feels like a connection with their loved one. Others may find it uncomfortable. It can help to talk or write about it.

So how do you deal with this grief? The website referenced above offers a list of things you need when you grieve which we have adapted into a more consice list to help you through your difficult time.

• Physical/social activities: People often say that keeping themselves and their minds busy helps them to get through difficult situations. Stay active in order to keep your mind and body sharp.
• Express yourself: Having emotions is normal. It is okay to be sad or angry. Share these feelings with those close to you or do so individually through creative means. Listen to music. Write a letter or a poem. Keeping your feelings bottled up inside you only makes the grieving process more difficult.
• Time: Just like physical wounds, emotional wounds take time to heal -- some take longer than others.
• Healthy habits: Even though it may be difficult to do so, your body needs to rest. In addition, it also needs nutrients. Do not deny yourself the rest and nutrition that your body needs to stay alert. Do not turn to drugs and alcohol to numb your feelings as this only makes grieving more difficult.
• Support system: Turn to those around you. Surround yourself with those people you care for and those who care for you. With these people -- talk, tell stories, laugh together, and cry together. You are not going through this difficult time alone.